友達が嫌いになる瞬間って?付き合い上手な人の対処法

 

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北海道の女子大生ライター。ライターになる夢があり、大学2年生でクラウドワークスでライターを開始。数々のライティングをこなす。

今まで仲の良かった友達のことが、とあるきっかけで嫌いになってしまう。そんな経験は誰しもあると思います。今まで仲良かった分、距離の置き方がわからなくて気まずい…そんな時はどうすればいいのでしょうか。多くの人が友達を「嫌い」と感じてしまうきっかけと、対処法をご紹介します。

友達が「嫌い」に変わるきっかけ

学生でも社会人でも、年齢に関わらず友達のちょっとした言動で「この人と付き合っていくのは嫌だ」と感じてしまうことがあります。喧嘩など、明らかに不仲になる原因がある場合は話し合いなどで解決することも比較的簡単かもしれませんが、次のような場合は、「嫌い」という気持ちを解消するのは難しいかもしれません。

価値観の違い

買い物や食事などを共にするうちに、金銭感覚があまりに違うなど、価値観が異なる友人と長く付き合える人は少ないようです。割り勘の仕方や、プレゼントを贈り合う時などに、価値観が違うのはトラブルの引き金になりそうです。

マウンティング

話していると、すぐにマウントをとってくる(自分を上げ、相手を見下す)ような喋り方をする友人。一度気になってしまうと会話の度にイライラしてしまい、もう話したくないと思ってしまうようです。

恋愛トラブル

自分の恋人と友人が関係を持っていた、いつでも友人より恋人を優先する、など、比較的女性に多い理由です。あまりに恋愛優先で友人をおざなりにしてしまうと、友達は離れていってしまいます。

性格が合わない

相手にとっては冗談のつもりの言葉がとても不愉快、時間にルーズ、物の貸し借りなど、根本的に考え方や性格が合わないというのも友達を嫌いだと感じるきっかけになりえます。最初は我慢していても、徐々に耐えられなくなってしまうことも多いようです。

友達が嫌いになってしまう…原因はどっち?

嫌いになるきっかけは人によって様々ですが、対処法を考える前に原因が友達と自分のどちらにあるかを考えてみる必要があります。

「マウンティング」のように、自分が一方的に不愉快な思いをするなら、原因は相手にあります。逆に、最近相手になんだか距離をとられているような気がするなら、自分の方が知らないうちに相手に何かしてしまっているかもしれません。

恋愛トラブルや喧嘩の場合は、自分と相手の両方が悪い可能性があります。どちらかが悪いと決めつけずに、冷静に解決策を考えるのがいいでしょう。

性格や価値観の違いがきっかけならば、育ってきた環境の違いが関わってくることもあり、相手も自分も悪くない、という風に考えたほうがいいです。

また、自分の考え方が「嫌い」と感じてしまうきっかけを作っているかもしれません。例えば、友人に対して学歴や容姿の面で劣等感を抱いているなど、平等な関係ではないと思ってしまうことが少しずつストレスになってしまい、最終的に「嫌い」と思ってしまうのです。

友達を「嫌い」と思った時の対処法

原因がどちらにあるかがわかれば、それに合わせた対応をとりましょう。

①友達と話し合う

喧嘩や恋愛トラブル、あるいは相手の些細な言動で嫌な思いをしているなら、話し合うことで関係が良い方へ変わるかもしれません。自分だけが我慢をしていると、どんどん友達のことが嫌いになってしまいます。時には、「こういうことを言われたりされると嫌だ」という思いを正直に伝えてみることも必要です。

②第三者の介入

二人だけで解決するのが難しいようなトラブルなら、第三者からの意見を求めてみてもいいかもしれません。この時、どちらか一方と仲がいい人ではなく、自分と友達両方のことを知っていて、平等に判断してくれるような人を選ぶのが大切です。

③友達と距離を置く

ずっと近くにいたことで視野が狭くなり、余計に友達の嫌な所が目についてしまっているかもしれません。一度連絡を控えて、違う友人と話したりすることで、また見方が変わることもあります。

④友達と縁を切る

どうしても一緒にいたくない、話し合っても解決しない、そのような時は思い切ってその友達と縁を切るという選択もあります。場合にもよりますが、急に全ての連絡を絶ってしまうよりは、徐々に会う頻度を減らしたり、縁を切った後も職場や学校で顔を合わせる機会があれば挨拶や最低限の会話はするなどの対応をした方が、余計なトラブルが起きずに済むと思います。

友達を嫌いと感じてしまったときの対処法のまとめ

友達のふとした発言で「嫌い」と感じてしまうことは誰でもあります。しかし、そこですぐに縁を切ろうとしないで、会話をしたり、時には喧嘩をすることでお互いに対する理解が深まりまた仲のいい友達同士になれることもあります。私は仲の良かった友達を「嫌い」と感じてしまい、一度は話さなくなりましたが、数年後に会った時にはまた楽しく話せるようになっていたという経験があります。

もし、また友達を好きだと思えそうなら、「嫌い」と思う原因を解消できないか考えてみるといいと思います。ですが、無理に一人の友達と付き合っていく必要もないので、自分が辛いのなら離れましょう。

お互いに我慢したりせずに、ストレスのない友人関係を築けるといいですね♪

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